96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
