real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i now understand why vodka
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
