I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
