RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
