I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
