As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
