Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
