Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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