Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
