just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize