you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
