So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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