Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
