it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize