I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
