i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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