Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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