im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
