oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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