Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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