I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
