Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
