the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
