Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
