I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
