Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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