I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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