he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize