Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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