We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize