how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
