Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
