I want to walk on stilts...naked
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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