it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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