I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
