Tell her she can't have a vagina
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
