I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
