Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i now understand why vodka
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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