i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
