Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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