They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
