And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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