Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
