haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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