This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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