break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
