whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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