Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
