So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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