WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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