What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
