My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
