oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
