Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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