I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
