In the future we'll all be gay
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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