Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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