I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
