The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
