Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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