Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
