Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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