Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
