big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
