Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
