Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

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(214): View more from Texas

they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.

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(810): View more from Michigan

She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number

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(818): View more from California

...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love

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