I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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