Who did Billy Mays play for?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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