why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
