Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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